Hillary at the Bat: A Ballad for the Republican Party Sung in the Year 2016

When a weapon or a tactic provides an army an advantage, it is referred to as a “force multiplier.” One of clearest benefits of a force multiplier is it allows an army to have fewer troops or weapons than its enemy. For example, a general can have a million soldiers but it would mean nothing against a nuclear weapons armed enemy willing to use them.  

However, force multipliers do not have to be as devastating as nuclear weapons. It is sometimes claimed that William the Conqueror defeated Harold the Great at the Battle of Hastings in 1066 because William’s French cavalry used stirrups, allowing them greater stability on their horses against the Anglo-Saxons. And the rest is history.

This is something the Right has to understand when we cite polls showing the ratio of people claiming to be conservative versus liberal to be about two to one. Even if this ratio is accurate, when you have the media, academia, Hollywood, and a number of other institutions on your side, you have quite a number of force multipliers to convince the independents to join your side.

In regards to Hillary’s campaign, in addition to Hillary’s force multipliers providing her cover for her alleged transgressions, there is the infighting within the Republican Party between the party’s “Establishment” and “Rebels.” The former associated with candidates such as John Kasich, Jeb Bush, and Chris Christie, and the latter associated with candidates such as Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, and Carly Fiorina.

This schism is real; with many on both sides claiming they will not support the GOP primary winner if he or she is from the other camp. Therefore, Hillary Clinton’s chances of winning the presidency look pretty good, with the likelihood of her scandals and alleged legal problems getting the better of her bordering on wishful thinking.

Yet, sometimes wishful thinking provides the emotional lift needed to get through an ordeal. Thus, the Right also has a force multiplier in dealing with Hillary’s indiscretions. That force multiplier is the FBI.  

With that in mind, and with all due respect to Ernest Thayer’s great 1888 baseball poem, “Casey at the Bat,” I offer to the Right, Hillary at the Bat.


The outlook wasn’t brilliant for Hillary C that day;
Campaigns had run their course and had nothing left to say.
Democrats have always counted on voters giving them a pass;
But this time an eerie silence fell upon the progressive class.

A straggling few saw their faith go into deep despair;
The rest clung to a hope that today seems oh so rare.
But Hillary said she’d be the country’s first female boss;
And some put up even money that Hillary would avoid the loss.

There was the server problem and that whole Benghazi deal;
But she said the former was a farce and the latter wasn’t real.
So upon their stricken membership, grim melancholy we did see;
For some believed Hillary might not keep the White House a big D.

But the server problem seemed to crash, to the wonderment of all;
And Benghazi, to no one’s surprise, off the radar it did fall.
And when the dust had lifted, it was very plain to see;
There was her foundation getting cash, and Hillary on MSNBC.

Then from countless liberal throats there rose a lusty scream;
It rumbled through faculty lounges, it curled their vegan coffee cream;
It rattled Planned Parenthood, and threw “the reverends” for a toss;
For Hillary, mighty Hillary, was saying the campaign was not a loss.

There was ease in Hillary’s manner as she stepped onto the stage;
There was fight in her bearing, like a tiger freed from her cage.
And when, responding to the cheers, she cackled with bursting glee;
No member of the DNC could doubt ’twas Hillary to the T.

Millions of eyes watched her as she prepared to deliver her tome;
And countless tongues hung low from the Hamptons down to every home.
Then while the mainstream media nervously shifted their hips;
Defiance gleamed in Hillary’s eye, a sneer curled Hillary’s lips.

And now one by one the election results came hurtling through the air;
And Hillary stood a-watching them in haughty grandeur there.
Close by the sturdy future president, the results unheeded sped;
“We got this in the bag,” said Hillary, “Strike one,” the Fox host said.

From conference rooms, full with people, there went up a muffled roar;
Like the beating of storm-waves on a stern and distant shore.
“How dare they vote Red?” shouted a democrat as room to room he ran;
And it’s likely they would have revolted had not Hillary raised her hand.

With a smile of Liberal charity, Hillary’s visage shouted “Yes we can;”
As she stilled the rising tumult by saying not every state can be a fan.
She winked and smiled to her loyal staff, as more election results flew;
But Hillary still ignored them, and the Fox host said, “Strike two!”

“Sexists!” cried the maddened liberals, and echo answered same;
But one sneerful look from Hillary and the audience turned tame.
They saw her face grow stern and cold, they saw her hairspray strain,
And they knew that Hillary wouldn’t let another state go Red again.

The sneer is gone from her lips, her teeth are clenched real tight;
She adjusts her pastel pants suit a little to the right.
And now the Fox host opens his mouth, and now his words did report;
And now the air is shattered by the force of Hillary’s retort.

Oh, somewhere in this favored land the sun is shining bright;
The band is playing somewhere, and somewhere hearts are light,
Somewhere folks are laughing with a loud and vigorous roar;
But there’s no joy on the Left – Hillary lost the race and the FBI is at her door.



Tony Corvo is a retired Air Force Lieutenant Colonel with a Ph.D. in physics. He is active in local Beavercreek, Ohio politics and is the author of All Politics is Loco: Musings from the Conservative Next Door. He and his wife have two grown daughters. He writes extensively on local issues. Many of his recent articles can be found at taxbusters.wordpress.com/author/phdmc2.

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